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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member Bonnie Quinn (which is totally a penname)Female/United States Recent Activity
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I found this on my front porch when I got home from work.  More details on how to get a copy will be coming.

Books by fainting-goat
I totally did.

road-rage-letters.tumblr.com/

It's actually very soothing.  I can say these incidents no longer bother me, because I'm now like 'thank you for providing me with blog material!' and I spend the rest of the drive gleefully composing what I'm going to say in my head.
Dear sir:

You, with the black pickup truck with enough space between the carriage and the tires to store a small child, and the smokestack protruding from the bed like, well, I'm sure I don't have to make the metaphor. Surely you already understand it, at a visceral level, otherwise why would you have made the modification, and bought the biggest truck on the lot, much like a child shoving an entire cake - yes, the entire thing - into their mouth because their underdeveloped brain can only understand that surely 'more' means 'better.'

I just wanted you to know that I feel for you. I truly do. I understand your need to weave in and out of traffic, engine shrieking, penis - sorry, smokestack - belching black fumes as you elbow your way through the myriad of cars that really, are all traveling at about the same speed in each lane. But that doesn't matter. The concept of flow, control, and even logic escapes you, for you have a giant pickup truck, and you need to declare its existence - and by extension, your own - to the world.

See, you understand. You know, deep down, that your days are numbered. You're surrounded by pretentious, eco-conscious little pissants, clutching their Starbucks coffee and organic groceries and there you are, standing tall among all the rest in your giant, belching, behemoth of a truck. You dominate the road. You know that's all you'll have left to you soon, and even that will be taken away. Somewhere, perhaps in a news blurb, you've heard about the self-driving cars and that... Tesla... bullshit and you know that someday you'll be standing forlornly at a derelict gas station, watching as all those scrawny bitches in their electric cars go roaring past you, checking the morning news on their dash while Google gets them where they need to be.

But that's okay. You have your smokestack. You can't be ignored. For now.

I must confess that when I caught up again and subsequently passed you - after your third consecutive lane change in an attempt to bluster your way through rush-hour traffic - I was tempted to flip you off. Just because I wanted to see the cursing and the gesturing and the spittle flying off your lips. But I didn't, because I thought it'd be cruel to inflict that on my fellow drivers.

I did, however, note that there weren't any of the usual signs that someone is driving a stick shift, and would just like to inform you that by this alone, my dick is bigger than yours. Which, considering my gender, is really saying something.

Cheers,

A Scrawny Bitch

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fainting-goat
Bonnie Quinn (which is totally a penname)
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I write. I draw. I write way too much. I paint and play the harp. And I'm part of the Society for Creative Anachronism as Lady Brighid of Red Spears.

kiki-doodle drew that awesomeness for me.
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:iconjf123:
jf123 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Have a Llama for writing good stories. They are enjoyable.
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:iconkiki-doodle:
kiki-doodle Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thought of you!!
i am goat. by sketchinthoughts
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:iconfainting-goat:
fainting-goat Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
LOVE IT.
Reply
:iconaviskye:
Aviskye Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
Darn, I missed your birthday. Facepalm Have a very late happy birthday and a very late merry Christmas and a very late happy New Year and a llama badge from me. XD
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:iconfainting-goat:
fainting-goat Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.  :)
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:iconrakuen-ookami:
Rakuen-Ookami Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013
Hope you had a happy birthday!
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:iconfainting-goat:
fainting-goat Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I had an AWESOME birthday, thank you!
Reply
:iconsabreur:
Sabreur Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2013
Auuugh.  I'm so behind on reading your stuff.

WHY DO YOU WRITE SO MUCH.

WHY DO YOU MAKE IT GOOD ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T SKIP ANY OF IT.

D-:
Reply
:iconfainting-goat:
fainting-goat Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Because I have no life.
Reply
:iconrafun1312:
rafun1312 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yay, I'm getting my own copy of Mortal Gods! 
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